My Thinking about good parenting is parenting that nurtures psychological adjustment — elements like honesty, empathy, self-reliance, kindness, cooperation, self-control, and cheerfulness.
Five basic principles are as follows:
1. What You Do Matters:
BE A MINDFUL PARENT, one that is “intentional” rather than merely reactionary. And, “the more you make an effort to deliberately practice good parenting, the more instinctive it becomes” for those times when you do not have time to think, where you have not choice but to respond reflexively. “Parent proactively rather than reactively.”
2. Be Involved in Your Child’s Life:
BE INVOLVED. “The strongest and most consistent predictor of children’s mental health, adjustment, happiness, and well-being is the level of involvement of their parents in their life”.
3. You Cannot Be Too Loving:
CAN YOU SPOIL YOUR CHILD WITH LOVE? “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love…It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love — things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions”. “When children feel genuinely loved, they develop such a strong sense of security that they almost always are less needy.” “Don’t confuse whether you show your child affection with how you do it”. “Children know the difference between being truly loved and being bought off”.
4. Establish Rules and Set Limits:
ALL CHILDREN NEED RULES AND LIMITS. “Structure makes children feel secure”. “The main reason is that over time, [rules and limits] help your child develop the ability to manage his own behavior…over time, the control of your child’s behavior gradually shifts from being external (imposed by you and other adults) to being internal (imposed by your child herself).”
5. Be Consistent:
BE CONSISTENT FROM DAY TO DAY. “The single greatest contributor to children’s disciplinary problems is inconsistent parenting. If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. The easiest way to help a child learn how to behave appropriately is to make her good behavior a habit that she doesn’t even have to think about. You do this by being consistent from day to day in your parenting”.
There is no more important job in any society than raising children, and no more important influence on how children develop than their parents.
Source: Dr. Sonia
January 11, 2012
